These are various jokes that I have acquired mostly from e-mails
but they are all genealogy related.
Back to Family Trees Home
Back to Home Page
last updated 18/04/2004

The Census Taker's Home!,  Adam's Underwear, Twelve Days of a Genealogy Christmas

The Census Taker's Home!
(from the Sunday Afternoon Rocking Series)

Well, I'm surely glad to be home, that I am.  I tell you another day like this one and I am good mind just to fill them papers out on memory and be done with it.  Here, put these socks over there next to the fire to dry out, will you?  Got down yonder this mornin' and everyone in Household 451 through 486 was gone.  Some big shindig goin' on down there. Good thing the folks in 441 could tell me who they all was. Here, reckon you could go over some of the writin' on this here page?  Got smeared a bit in the rain.  I think you can 'cipher most of it out.

Then them folks down in the holler got suspicious over a census.  Said, and derned if they had a point, what difference did it make who they was? Was them guvment folks up in Warshington going to come down here to say howdy do?  So they finally let me write down they last name and first initial, but I think they wuz havin' a bit of fun with me when they listed who lived in the house.  Saw some winkin' goin' on and I believe I got the same house a youngins in two or three places.  It been a day, woman.   Honey, git that paper out of Johnny's mouth, will ya?  I worked all day on that thing, and no call to let him go chewin' it up.

Went up the river a piece and tried to get that done 'fore it come a downpour, but run into trouble there, too. Ole Man Jenkins' cur dog run me off and I tell you, ain't no call to get eat up over such a thing as this.  They ort to be a limit what a man does for his country.  Was lucky a man down the road mostly knew Jenkins was nigh on sixty years old and was living
there with his woman and five youngins from his first marriage plus a passel from the second. We give em good Christian names. Best be doin' something 'bout this pen.  It give out on me halfway through. See you havin' trouble, too.  Johnny!  Hand that here, boy!

And I tell you I would ruther fight grandpap's British than mess with that feller out on the ridge.  He got out his shotgun soon as he seen me comin' and I went t'other direction.  Had Jones tell me about him instead, and he didn't rightly know the feller's first name. Said they called him "Squirrel", and it was ok just to put that cause wasn't nobody around here claimin' him no how, and they for sure didn't want the guvment knowin' there was any relationship.  That coffee done?  Then got over to Smiths, and ole Hoss was in a nervous fit so wasn't no getting information there.   His woman havin' another youngin and he looked like he could run right through me when I went to askin' how many youngins he had now.  Hightailed it out of there, and Miz Hart helped me straighten that household out. Think we got most of the names straight, and as he has had a youngin a year for the last ten, ages purty close too. Now look what Johnny went and done!

I tell you, next time this come around I ain't gonna be no where in sight.  Farmin's a heap easier, and I figger they're folks 'round here what can read and write and 'cipher and ain't no good fer nothing else we can spare for this foolishness.  Pass me another 'tater, will you?"

Adam's Underwear

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it closely. What he saw was an old leaf that had
been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called
out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in
a young boy's voice, he answered: "I THINK IT'S ADAM'S UNDERWEAR

Twelve Days of a Genealogy Christmas
From New Hampshire Society of Genealogist newsletter:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me,
Twelve census searches,
Eleven printer ribbons,
Ten e-mail contacts,
Nine headstone rubbings,
Eight birth and death dates,
Seven town clerks sighing,
Six second cousins,
Five coats of arms,
Four GEDCOM files,
Three old wills,
Two CD-ROMS,
And a branch in my family tree.